First and foremost, it sounded good to me mixed. I also didn’t want to completely get rid of my birth name, as I liked it, and I am, in a weird way, my father’s surrogate son (he has two daughters, of which I am the oldest).

I wanted my name to change as a function of getting married, but I didn’t like the idea of just taking his. It didn’t sit right with me. So, I hyphenated, making a new name, which, to me, rather perfectly symbolized the making of a new family from two others.

Thankfully, my husband never really cared; he even considered taking my name for awhile. I think he might have been somewhat hurt had I not changed it at all, but even then, if we’d talked it out a reasonable amount of time before getting married, I think he would have been fine with it. He’s even thinking of taking my hyphenated mess. My family never cared either, I think they were somewhat happier with my decision than if I hadn’t done it at all.

Not that his family ever sends me mail that way (though I think that they don’t know… and I’m not going to open that can of worms).

I do have a pair of friends that changed both their names to a completely new surname when they got married. They both really weren’t that impressed with their birth names, or the symbolism of taking one over the other. So, they researched an entirely new name based on their ethnic background. I thought it was sweet, though it was part of why his family refused to attend his wedding. It’s so crappy.

I think that a lot of the reactions you’ve gotten are extremely rude and inconsiderate of your desires, and there’s no justification for them. The people who do and say those things are just being petty.

However, I can see how someone might consider a hyphenated name to show some amount of disrespect to a woman’s husband, considering the long tradition of wives adopting their husband’s name. (I won’t argue that the origin of the tradition is TOTALLY inappropriate for our time, but so also are most traditions, yet we still practice them.) It’s almost as if one who chooses to hyphenate is “tacking on” their partner’s name as an afterthought.

Hyphenating has always been a weird thing to me. Why is it only the woman who does it? Why can’t the couple BOTH hyphenate? Why doesn’t he take HER name? Why can’t they both pick a suitable NEW surname?

For the record, despite my maleness, I don’t particularly care either way. My wife chose to change her name, but I never expected and certainly didn’t force her to. (Well, I suppose I did expect her to change her name from that of her ex-husband, but I didn’t assume it would be to MY last name.)